Mama

• 2013
• Horror

One of the things I enjoy about a ghost movie is backstory and this one let’s it all out. Sure, it has a lot of horror stereotypes but you won’t catch yourself complaining too much. It follows through with the story enough for you to forgive the cliches and silly CGI.

Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters

• 2013
• Action
• Fantasy
• Horror

Hansel (Jeremy Renner) has to take insulin shots because he has diabetes from eating too much candy. That is one of the ridiculous marvels of this script. What prompted Renner to take this role? If you guys haven't seen a falling star in awhile, watch this.

The Lords of Salem

• 2013
• Horror
• Thriller

You can tell this is Rob Zombie’s pet project. From all the nightmarish visuals, desecration of the church, down to his wife being in the lead role. This movie doesn’t mean or do anything for the viewer except show off some very evil aesthetics.

Silent Hill: Revelation

• 2012
• Horror
• Mystery
• Thriller

All this shit flick does is throw blood, body parts, and blades at you. This is not a movie, it’s a visual stress test and you would be smart not to take it.

Antiviral

• 2012
• Horror
• Sci-fi
• Thriller

This is smart but not clever-smart – it’s weird-smart. It’s also perverted but not sexually. The film is a creative, yet a grotesque rendition of our twisted obsession with celebrities. It's kind of hard to watch and even harder to hold down. I like it.

The ABCs of Death

• 2012
• Horror

There's a lot more ridiculous shorts in here than good ones. Some of these borderline asinine-stupid and those ones come from the Japanese, go figure. My favorite one was the dog fight.

Evidence

• 2011
• Horror

Not a home run horror but the last 30 minutes of this film is bananas!

Chained

• 2012
• Horror
• Thriller

This is highly disturbing, claustrophobic, and dark as hell. However, it is a good piece of work. All of the bloody scenes were necessary, unlike lesser horrors that use it for shock. I was genuinely frightened and felt quite hopeless for the boy’s outcome.

Livid

• 2011
• Fantasy
• Horror

It looks like your typical haunted house horror in the beginning but as the story deepens, it unravels a creepy and an imaginatively maddening plot. Definitely unique!

The Possession

• 2012
• Horror
• Thriller

Only difference with this mundane horror is that the demon isn’t Christian, it’s Jewish. Holy crap, I have nothing remotely interesting to say about this.

Sinister

• 2012
• Horror
• Mystery
• Thriller

The dark deity is the most interesting and the bone-chilling part of this horror. Unfortunately, it comes with some really cheap scares.

Resident Evil: Retribution

• 2012
• Action
• Horror
• Sci-fi

Watching these films is becoming a chore and it looks like there’s going to be more trash to take out; they’re making another one.

Jennifer's Body

• 2009
• Comedy
• Horror

Jennifer's Body is turned into a demon that eats other students. The more she eats to stay strong, the weaker the script gets.

The Revenant

• 2009
• Comedy
• Horror

A demonic version of Boondock Saints that is as crappy as Boondock Saints II.

Chernobyl Diaries

• 2012
• Horror

This film's crap stench is more toxic than Chernobyl.

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

• 2012
• Action
• Fantasy
• Horror

That's totally fine if the director doesn't want us to take this seriously but what stinks is that we can't even laugh at it. Just another vampire suck fest.

The Loved Ones

• 2012
• Crime
• Drama
• Horror

Be real about it, there’s a lot of bad modern horror films. Mostly because the stories start with some gory concept but never has enough brains or wit to go beyond the “cool idea.” Every once in awhile, a film like The Loved Ones makes up for all those. To all you brave movie-goers, enjoy this sadistically funny ride!

VHS

• 2012
• Horror
• Thriller

Crappy or not, I’ll always watch found footage films. It’s infectious. In this one, there are four directors doing four horror segments that range from creepy to crazy. It’s like a collection of Halloween campfire stories, except the stories are being told by the monster.

Underworld: Awakening

• 2012
• Action
• Fantasy
• Horror

Kate Beckingsale returns in her skin-tight outfit to perform beautifully choreographed nonsense...I’m just going stop here. Everytime I try to say something different about the Underworld films, I fail. They are all the same. Kind of fun, kind of sexy, a lot of bad film.

I Spit on Your Grave

• 2010
• Crime
• Horror
• Thriller

A girl takes revenge on a group of men that ravaged her and then left her for dead. Just like the original, this is pure exploitation at its ugliest. The only thing new to this remake is the creative torture scenarios. Hardened horror fans will cheer for this, while everybody else runs.

Piranha 3DD

• 2012
• Comedy
• Horror
• Thriller

The first one was stupid and fun. This one is stupid and dumb.

However...Ving Rhames.

The Innkeepers

• 2012
• Horror
• Thriller

You know that internet prank where you tell a friend to concentrate closely at the computer screen and then something scary pops up? They actually used that in the beginning of this film, and then followed up with two more cheap scares. All within the first 30 minutes. Probably one of the worst horrors I’ve seen.

Prometheus

• 2012
• Action
• Horror
• Sci-fi

People are thinking that this is going to be a direct prequel to Alien. The producers say it’s not completely meant to be but don’t fret because this is absolutely fine as its own stand-alone film. Prometheus is gorgeous right out of the gates, and the escalation of tension is gripping.

The horror aspects are tasteful as there are no cheap scares or unnecessary gore, but don’t dismiss that as tamed either. The story can be deep as many people will be coming up with interesting theories about that universe’s idea of faith, imortality, and the Alien mythos. Yes, there are some loopholes and you can poke holes in the script but not enough for a thumb's down.

The Woman

• 2011
• Crime
• Drama
• Horror

This movie is extremely disturbing but effective because of how well it was directed and how good some of the performances were. No matter how much you hated certain characters, you can't deny their commitment to this project. Even if you wanted them to suffer a justified death. This is a good horror flick but I would insist that most people should veer away from it, especially women.

Tucker and Dale vs Evil

• 2011
• Comedy
• Horror

I usually avoid dumb, hillbilly comedies but these two guys make it work, especially Alan Tudyk. The way kids die in this movie is morbidly hilarious. Recommended if you want to see rednecks assists in teenage suicides.

The Cabin in the Woods

• 2012
• Fantasy
• Horror
• Sci-fi
• Thriller

Like comedy? You'll laugh at this. If you like horror, you'll love this. If you do not like horror, you will feel safe. If you're into Sci-fi, that's in here too. If you're a movie snob, you'll appreciate the well-written script. If silly, low-brow cinema is more your thing, then you'll have fun. The Cabin in the Woods is a ridiculous masterpiece!

For those curious. The less you know, the better. Just go watch it.

The Darkest Hour

• 2011
• Action
• Horror
• Sci-fi

This is hilariously bad and I love to hate it! The atmosphere in the beginning is upscale as it takes place in a high-end office and then in a sexy club with beautiful, young people. Towards the end, it turns into a homeless version of Ghostbusters.

ATM

• 2012
• Horror
• Thriller

Another small-room thriller like, Buried or Phone Booth. I'm on the fence about recommending this because the idea is good (for a horror) but the execution could have been better. Either way, I'm glad those kids got killed. That's what they get for making me palm my face so much.

The Woman in Black

• 2012
• Drama
• Horror
• Thriller

This is your old, creaking, mansion, type of film plot. There are plenty of cheap scares and over-done visuals but it’s not bad. I liked it because it stayed true to itself until the end and doesn’t try to add some useless twist.

Apollo 18

• 2011
• Horror
• Sci-fi
• Thriller

This is irritating. I get that they're trying to go for the retro style of found footage but enough with the relentless eyesore of effects. If you're not annoyed or bored to death by the climax, then congratulations, you have managed to finish a crappy movie.

Paranormal Activity 3

• 2011
• Horror

Surprise! It's the same shit again!

Final Destination 5

• 2011
• Horror
• Thriller

Another sequel about shotty engineering.

Kill List

• 2011
• Horror
• Thriller

This film is so sick and violent. The first half is very slow, to a point where it's irritating. After watching things unfold, I kind of wished it stayed that way because the events that happen next are deeply disturbing.

Fright Night

• 2011
• Comedy
• Horror

I had very low expectations for this but it actually turned out to be quite fun and makes for a good late night flick. Don't pay too much attention to the main kid. Colin Farrell and Imogen Poots makes this comical horror worth checking out. Just don't be serious about it, seriously.

The Thing

• 2011
• Horror
• Mystery
• Sci-fi

The thing about this is that it just magnifies on how gross the original was and it succeeds somewhat. The monster is absolutely disgusting, but it is CG. Beyond all of that, it's not a good film especially how they tried to throw in some origin about the monster. I knew I should have waited for the DVD but my urge to see a horror got the best of me.

Case 39

• 2009
• Horror
• Mystery
• Thriller

This is a dumb thriller where the audience is smarter than the protagonist, played by Renée Zellweger, which is an awful casting choice. After the obvious story unfolds itself, prepare for all the clichés and random screaming you would expect from a crap horror.

11-11-11

• 2011
• Horror
• Thriller

This might be one of the worse horror movies that I have ever seen. The subject matter is serious though; it's about religion, demons, and the end of the world. For all that seriousness, I was laughing most of the time. This is just a ploy to cash in on the date and make a dumb movie.

The Human Centipede II (Full Sequence)

• 2011
• Drama
• Horror

There needs to be a support group for people that have seen this film. It is shock horror at its absolute worst, and might I also say, shock horror at its peak. My eyes hate me so fucking much for watching this.

Scream 4

• 2011
• Horror
• Mystery
• Thriller

The Scream franchise is like the pop music of horror films. I don't like pop music but I like Scream 4. It's easily the silliest and best one since the first.

Stake Land

• 2010
• Horror

If you're tired of vampires and zombies then this movie just might bring back a little spark because the infected are half-zombie and half-vampire. Hey producers, are we running out of ideas? I know you fanatics will try and correct me that they're full-on vampires but they're brainless, un-sexy, and homeless-looking so they're zombie hybrids. This is a decent horror film that actually tries to take itself seriously and succeeds in some parts. Only some parts.

Rubber

• 2010
• Comedy
• Drama
• Horror

This is an homage to everything that doesn't make sense in movies so if you can totally let go of all reasoning, you'll enjoy it. Otherwise you'll probably think it's thee absolute stupidest thing, ever.

Red State

• 2011
• Horror
• Thriller

A lot of fat was trimmed from this movie, which got everything right to the point. There is intense combat with plot twists and when all that gets too much, you'll get some funny banter to lighten things up. I can't say that I love this movie but I sure am happy as all hell that it exists.

YellowBrickRoad

• 2010
• Horror
• Thriller

This one had a Blair Witch vibe to it and I was excited. For being a low budget horror, the production wasn't that bad. Where the movie fails is not giving the audience enough respect with a payoff. The movie's hook is about an entire town that disappeared, and we wanted to know why. The characters wanted to know why, too. Hell, that's why they went on this journey in the first place.

The Last Exorcism

• 2010
• Drama
• Horror
• Thriller

This is one of those times that I'll research online after watching the movie because the ending wasn't clear to me. Apparently it's meant to be open-ended and it poses a moral question rather than telling a story and for that, it made me lose some interests.

Paranormal Activity 2

• 2010
• Horror
• Mystery
• Thriller

Here it comes, I'm going to say the most common things about sequels – 'the first one is better.' This is very similar to the first but one thing it lacks (big time) is the creep-factor, which is the main thing that the first one did so well.

Priest

• 2011
• Action
• Horror
• Sci-fi

Have you seen Legion? This movie is just like Legion except it isn't as bad. Don't read too much into that, this still sucks.

Seven Days

• 2010
• Horror
• Thriller

Another sick movie from the French. A doctor's daughter is murdered and he dishes out his own justice by kidnapping the killer and torturing him for 7 days. As gross as it sounds, there's actually more drama in this than I expected. The ending was bitter sweet but also pretty weak. If horror isn't your thing, I suggest you stay far away from this.

Red Riding Hood

• 2011
• Fantasy
• Horror
• Mystery
• Romance

The only thing that kept me alive during this movie is watching Gary Oldman scream at poor people. Besides that, this is a god-awful, two-hour cologne commercial.

The Rite

• 2011
• Drama
• Horror
• Thriller

Anthony Hopkins puts on a great performance. I recommend a rental if you're not overly religious. It's alright, just don't expect The Exorcist.

Vanishing on 7th Street

• 2010
• Horror
• Mystery
• Thriller

We've gone down this road many times before. It's the end of the world and the last survivors are freaking out; okay, no problem. However, these people are so out-of-their-damn-minds that they neglect more than just their instincts. They abandon all of their basic logic too. Bunch of cry babies. Watch this film if you actually enjoy being annoyed.

Insidious

• 2011
• Fantasy
• Horror
• Thriller

This is a great horror flick but I think it could have been even greater if they had a bigger budget. My favorite aspect is that the family actually moved when they thought their house was haunted – too bad that didn't fix their problems! I enjoyed the hell out of this.

I Saw the Devil

• 2011
• Crime
• Drama
• Horror

This is one of the most evil films that I have ever seen and it's freaking great!

Basket Case

• 1982
• Comedy
• Horror

Before "What's in the box!", first came "What's in the basket?"

Dog Soldiers

• 2002
• Action
• Horror

Of course it's retarded, it's called Dog Soldiers. It's a fun flick if you're a slasher film fan.

Let Me In

• 2010
• Drama
• Fantasy
• Horror

I wasn't too happy that they were remaking this. Then I saw it and realized it wasn't just a remake but almost a re-shoot. It's hard to hate on this because they did everything nearly identical to the original film Let the Right One In. Sure, it's not as good as that one but it's still good.

Severance

• 2006
• Comedy
• Horror
• Thriller

This is ridiculous. Ridiculously funny and gory! The movie should have started in the middle but whatever. Your attention will spark right up once all the body parts start flying.

Doghouse

• 2009
• Comedy
• Horror

Although this film defies a lot of zombie logic, I enjoyed it more. That's right..."zombie logic."

Devil

• 2010
• Horror
• Mystery
• Thriller

On a good note, M. Night Shyamalan won't piss you off with a pointless twist. But that doesn't make it a great film either. The acting sucks but otherwise, it's mildly enjoyable.

Resident Evil: Afterlife

• 2010
• Action
• Adventure
• Horror

There are like 1000 slow-motion scenes in this, which makes it feel like you're watching a 5-hour movie. A 5-hour movie of magnified, 3D shit!

Candyman

• 1992
• Horror

A mythical killer with a hook hand is not going to be the next horror icon, sorry!