Chained

• 2012
• Horror
• Thriller

This is highly disturbing, claustrophobic, and dark as hell. However, it is a good piece of work. All of the bloody scenes were necessary, unlike lesser horrors that use it for shock. I was genuinely frightened and felt quite hopeless for the boy’s outcome.

The Campaign

• 2012
• Comedy

There is no gray area for this. Love it or hate it.

Chloe

• 2009
• Drama
• Mystery
• Thriller

It starts off as a psychological drama but things fall apart. However, none of the actors drop their performances and for that, it’s able to carry you to the end with no screaming complaints.

Compliance

• 2012
• Crime
• Drama
• Thriller

This is done really well. It dives deep into how far people go when they are in a position of power. However, it is really hard to sit through. At some points, I found myself wishing I was watching a grotesque horror, instead.

Cloud Atlas

• 2012
• Drama
• Mystery
• Sci-fi

Imagine that I give you a handful of beautiful Hallmark cards. Inside each of them are heart-melting poems about the human condition, cosmic connections, and love. As you start reading the first poem, I swipe it away and toss you another random one to read. I’ll rinse and repeat this for two hours and that is what Cloud Atlas is like.

Regardless if you can follow it or not, this film is a treat for the senses with its amazing visuals and epic story.

The Cold Light of Day

• 2012
• Action
• Thriller

I have nothing against Henry Cavill but after this movie, he is easily one of the worst actors alive today. An irritating and enormously dumb movie.

Chernobyl Diaries

• 2012
• Horror

This film's crap stench is more toxic than Chernobyl.

The Comedy

• 2012
• Drama

If you dislike this movie, then you’re not smart enough to understand it. If you praise it, then you’re stupid enough to fall for its satirical intentions. You can't win, so don't bother with it. It’s the abstract paint splashes of comedy and it is not funny.

Comic-Con Episode IV: A Fan's Hope

• 2011
• Documentary

I enjoyed watching this documentary about Comic Con rather than going to it, so I don’t have to deal with the nerd odor. Just kidding! I love you, geeks. But seriously, whatcha’ gonna do about it, your Magic Missiles are useless against my Spell of Protection.

Contraband

• 2012
• Action
• Crime
• Drama

Mark Wahlberg returns to the tough-guy role in this subpar, action caper. The rest of the cast is good but the story isn't coherent enough for us to care about. I thought Wahlberg outgrew these types of roles. After watching Contraband, I know I am.

Chronicle

• 2012
• Drama
• Sci-fi
• Thriller

It's a mix of The Craft and Japan's famous Akira. A fun and semi-serious film about how super powers will magnify an adolescent's personality, in which this case, can be disastrous. A lot of different types of movie-goers will enjoy this.

The Cabin in the Woods

• 2012
• Fantasy
• Horror
• Sci-fi
• Thriller

Like comedy? You'll laugh at this. If you like horror, you'll love this. If you do not like horror, you will feel safe. If you're into Sci-fi, that's in here too. If you're a movie snob, you'll appreciate the well-written script. If silly, low-brow cinema is more your thing, then you'll have fun. The Cabin in the Woods is a ridiculous masterpiece!

For those curious. The less you know, the better. Just go watch it.

Colombiana

• 2011
• Action
• Crime
• Drama

Hey, Zoe! Stop killing your enemies and making them mad, you crazy assassin girl. You're going to get all of your friends killed...gah, see? Now everyone is dead and you have nobody to practice your fake accent on.

Contagion

• 2011
• Drama
• Thriller

At the core of Contagion is a lot of medical jargon about a fast-spreading disease, which is wrapped around a good thriller. The director does a great job at making this epidemic event feel dangerously real.

I like this film and with Gwyneth Paltrow suffering an agonizing death within the first ten minutes, makes it that much better.

Conan the Barbarian

• 2011
• Action
• Adventure
• Fantasy

At the top, there are bad movies, then there are offensively bad movies, then hilariously bad movies, then 100-feet of stacked shit, and beneath all that is Conan The Barbarian.

Carnage

• 2011
• Comedy
• Drama

This is a small room film that focuses on pure acting. The trailer shows you exactly what you're getting yourself into. It's the most entertaining movie about four adults arguing as one can be.

Cowboys & Aliens

• 2011
• Action
• Sci-fi
• Thriller

If the aliens invaded these cowboys for something that ridiculous then they have to, they just have to, have some sort of back story as to why. That's only one of the many dumb things about this. The film is as stupid as the title.

Case 39

• 2009
• Horror
• Mystery
• Thriller

This is a dumb thriller where the audience is smarter than the protagonist, played by Renée Zellweger, which is an awful casting choice. After the obvious story unfolds itself, prepare for all the clichés and random screaming you would expect from a crap horror.

The Captains

• 2011
• Documentary

William Shatner might have found his new calling as an interviewer but this is boring. It's about a bunch of old people sitting around, talking about the good ol' days. This wasn't an interesting documentary at all. I think you have to be a full-on Trekkie to enjoy this, not just a casual Star Trek fan.

The Change-Up

• 2011
• Comedy

I wish I could have swap bodies with someone who wasn't watching this movie when mine was.

Crazy, Stupid, Love.

• 2011
• Comedy
• Drama
• Romance

The title is literal to the story and it's a good story. Everybody is great in this film and it's more touching than it is funny but when funny happens, it happens well. I was a little concerned at how many characters there are but they pulled it off. You get good insight into everyone's home life, work life, and play life. This is a great movie!

Captain America: The First Avenger

• 2011
• Action
• Adventure
• Sci-fi

This is a perfect depiction of America. Sensationalized media, arrogant strategies, and unnatural body enhancements. Go USA for making this fun-ass movie!

Catfish

• 2010
• Documentary

I can't say anything about this film. I really can't. I can't even give you a hint on how I feel about it because any info might spoil it for you. However, if you're a horror fan, you might be disappointed. The only thing that I can tell you is that this dude has a fucking tramp stamp.

Update (6/2012): Screw it, I will spoil it for you because you don't deserve to be duped. The trailer is total bait. There is no creepy person behind that online profile, no murders, nothing bizarre, like how the trailer leads you to believe. It's just some unattractive, low-class lady, and she has a husband. You're welcome.

Conan O'Brien Can't Stop

• 2011
• Documentary
• Music

This documentary shows you the off-months when Conan left NBC and went on tour. The man really can't stop. He always needs to entertain people and that's a good thing for us. Watch him be even funnier off camera.

The Company Men

• 2010
• Drama

This movie is done well and has a fantastic cast but I didn't like it. It's hard for me to care about men getting laid off from their $100k+ jobs and resorting to selling their Porsches and big homes. "Oh sorry dear, we can't use our private jet to go on vacation this year, we'll have to fly coach."

I don't think this film will resonate well with a lot of Americans.

Conviction

• 2010
• Biography
• Drama

Based on the true story of a single mother who puts herself through law school to represent her brother who has been wrongfully convicted of murder. Hopefully this movie will give Sam Rockwell the attention that he deserves because he is fantastic in it. All that acting stuff aside, this is a good film that will show you the power of family.

Cedar Rapids

• 2011
• Comedy

I wanted more screen time with Rob Corddry but that's OK because John C. Reilly totally makes up for it. I think this film will appeal to most middle-class Americans, which practically makes up the entire USA. It's sort of like American Pie for adults.

Chinatown

• 1974
• Crime
• Drama
• Mystery

Great L.A. Noire flick that gets really twisted towards the end. Fantastic film!

Chocolat

• 2000
• Drama
• Mystery
• Romance

What the hell is wrong with these people – stop feeding chocolate to that dog!

Crips and Bloods: Made in America

• 2008
• Documentary
• Crime

This is a pretty good one if you're into this type of stuff. It shows the birth of these gangs and how the newer and younger gang's perspectives are so distorted from their predecessors.

Chicago

• 2002
• Comedy
• Crime
• Drama
• Music

Infidelity, murder, corruption, and all that jazz. Gorgeous women singing about how they happily killed their husbands. How can you not love all of those wicked things wrapped up in a charming, fun, and sexy package like Chicago. This is a good movie rendition of the original musical.

Collapse

• 2009
• Documentary

One thing I really dislike is listening to conspiracy theorists ramble on about how effed-up the world and our government is. But it's different if that person has high credentials and speaks with genuinely thought-provoking information. Whether you believe Michael Ruppert or not, you can't deny the fact that he has some astounding knowledge that's worth a listen.

Cyrus

• 2010
• Comedy
• Drama
• Romance

This is one of my personal favorite comedies of 2010. However, if you're not into the mumbling, awkward, type of comedy, it might not be for you. This isn't fall-on-your-ass type of funny, it's conniving.

Candyman

• 1992
• Horror

A mythical killer with a hook hand is not going to be the next horror icon, sorry!

Casablanca

• 1942
• Drama
• Romance
• War

I love this movie.

Cop Out

• 2010
• Action
• Comedy
• Crime

This was pretty funny. You'll get a few laughs out of it or a lot (depending on what you find funny) so you can't go wrong either way.

Control Alt Delete

• 2008
• Comedy
• Drama

I'm going to do you a favor and spoil things for you so that you will never watch this movie. Don't worry, you'll thank me later. A fat guy rapes computers as his fetish. He drills holes into computers and has sex with them. If you're still interested, you're sick but I'll try harder to steer you away.

On top of that cheap premise, the lead male is the worst-written character I have ever experienced in any movie. The jokes are bland, the sarcasm is boring, and the rest is shit. It's a complete ripoff of Office Space with stupid fetishes and no point. I've already watched this movie so you don't have to. So please don't.

The Collector

• 2009
• Crime
• Horror
• Thriller

Remember that old board game "Mouse Trap" back in the 80's? Add bear traps, razor blades, nails, acid, and you got yourself The Collector. Pretty sick movie and very reminiscent of the Saw movies.

The Crazies

• 2010
• Horror
• Mystery
• Sci-fi
• Thriller

Hey guys, we're in a town overrun with murdering maniacs, why don't we split up? Yo, pregnant wife, go check that dark alley by yourself and I'll be in this abandoned diner looking for shit. When will we learn?

Besides that, this was a good, bloody fun flick. I recommend it.

Capitalism: A Love Story

• 2009
• Documentary

Oh hey look guys, Michael Moore is at it again. He goes in front of large buildings with outrageous demands, pretending to stick up for the American people.

There is a handful of interesting information shown, just like in his other movies but notice how I said "movie" and not "documentary." It's still a movie and there are a lot of bias editing to sway your beliefs.

Clash of the Titans

• 2010
• Action
• Adventure
• Drama
• Fantasy

Release the crappin'!

The Call of Cthulhu

• 2005
• Horror
• Thriller

Fascinated by the cult following around H.P. Lovecraft's novel, I decided to watch this movie. I have no clue what was going on and dosed off here and there. I think it was just the black and white film format. We are due for a modern remake in my opinion.

Crazy Heart

• 2009
• Drama
• Music
• Romance

Crazy Old Fart

Congrats to Jeff Bridges for winning The Oscar on this rad performance. This is a good, solid drama with a great soundtrack.

Cirque du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant

• 2009
• Action
• Adventure
• Fantasy
• Thriller

Mildly enjoyable movie. I really dig the art direction and the yuppy kids weren't all too annoying.

The Company of Wolves

• 1984
• Horror
• Fantasy

My mother took me to go see this in theaters when I was a kid. She thought this was more fantasy than it was horror because it's based off of the Little Red Riding Hood story and Angela Lansbury is in it. She was so wrong. This movie scared every turd out of me. I had the most wicked nightmares for a month.

Collision: Christopher Hitchens vs. Douglas Wilson

• 2009
• Documentary

A straight-forward documentary about two very intellectual speakers who debate the question, "Is Christianity good for the world?" Both hold their ground very well and make highly, thought-provoking points.

The only thing I didn't like was the visual style. When I'm involved in a very tense and deep discussion about God, the last thing I want to see is shaky camera, video effects, or hear rap music.

Coffee and Cigarettes

• 2003
• Comedy
• Music
• Drama

People drinking coffee, smoking cigarettes, and talking. Just talking.

Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs

• 2009
• Animation
• Family

I wasn't planning to watch this one but a family member kept bugging me to, so I did. Turned out to be really good.

Carriers

• 2009
• Drama
• Thriller
• Horror

This is not what you would expect from a pandemic-plague type of movie. It's more about survival and the paranoia it takes to stay alive. I would have really liked to see more back story on the deadly plague. It's a good rental...just make sure to wash your hands thoroughly after touching the DVD.

Couples Retreat

• 2009
• Comedy

This had some funny lines. That's it. Not even funny moments, just a few funny lines. Every character is bland and I know that these movies aren't meant to have deep stories but this was so predictable that I was praying for anything to blow up.

The Cove

• 2009
• Documentary
• Drama

This is a very good documentary about the slaughtering of dolphins in Taiji, Japan. If you're an activist and can stomach animal cruelty then this film will get you riled up for sure.

I'm angry! Let's go protest, you make the signs and I'll the some tuna sandwiches.

Coco Before Chanel

• 2009
• Biography
• Drama

This film doesn't cover the Chanel empire, it's all about Gabrielle Chanel as stated in the title, Coco Before Chanel. So for those aspiring fashion students searching for tips on how to turn a rug into a jumpsuit, this isn't that type of movie.

The Chase

• 1994
• Adventure
• Crime
• Thriller
• Action
• Comedy
• Romance

If you don't take this movie seriously, it could be fun.

Cornered: A Life Caught in the Ring

• 2008
• Documentary

This is really sad. It's a documentary about a sports crime that created ripples of tragedy in the lives of everyone involved, even the victim.

Crows Zero II

• 2009
• Action

Notice how the genre is labeled action only? That's right, it's just that.

"They fight, they fight!
They fight, they fight, they fight!
Fight, fight, fight, fight!
Fight, fight, fight, fight!
The Asian street-brawl shooooow!"

Children of the Corn

• 1984
• Horror

I'd like to see small children become demonic and try to murder me. It would give me a good excuse to practice karate on them and not feel bad about it.

Clue

• 1985
• Comedy
• Crime
• Mystery
• Thriller

This is actually pretty good considering that it's based off of a board game.

Casshern

• 2004
• Adventure
• Action
• Sci-fi
• Drama

A live action, Japanese superhero film. There are lots of cool Sci-fi eye candy, but not much beyond that.

Close Encounters of the Third Kind

• 1977
• Adventure
• Drama
• Sci-fi

I'll never be able to get those five notes out of my head.

Crank: High Voltage

• 2009
• Action
• Comedy
• Crime

This is shot like those MTV Springbreak videos except with guns and explosions. Lame.