Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters

• 2013
• Action
• Fantasy
• Horror

Hansel (Jeremy Renner) has to take insulin shots because he has diabetes from eating too much candy. That is one of the ridiculous marvels of this script. What prompted Renner to take this role? If you guys haven't seen a falling star in awhile, watch this.

Heaven & Earth

• 1993
• Action
• Biography
• Drama

An emotionally flat movie with too much going on and not enough focus on a solid message. You’ll be dazzled by the beautiful shots but ultimately irritated by the acting and carelessness that Oliver Stone put into this film. A new edition to my “most hated” list.

Hit and Run

• 2012
• Action
• Drama
• Romance

It’s Dax Shepard’s movie about him trying to be a badass and protect his real life girlfriend in this speeding comedy that goes nowhere.

Hitchcock

• 2012
• Biography
• Drama

The acting is great, the cast is great, and it’s about one of my heros, Alfred Hitchcock. It’s impossible for me to say anything bad about this, even if there was something bad about this.

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey

• 2012
• Adventure
• Fantasy

All the beautiful and fantastical aspects of this lore is there, as you would expect. Even though it was very slow and nearly pointless in the beginning, it was a lot of fun. It would have been better to see more turmoil when these dwarves are in tight situations. Looking forward to the next one.

The Holiday

• 2006
• Comedy
• Romance

It’s not a typical romcom nor a great one either. If we get more winter holiday films like this, then people will start to hate Christmas. Kind of like how lonely singles hate Valentine’s Day. Also, Jack Black is a love interest in this so proceed with caution.

Haywire

• 2012
• Action
• Thriller

Gina Carano got quite the opportunity to star in this action film by Steven Soderbergh. She works with the likes of Michael Fassbender, Ewan McGregor, Antonio Banderas, Michael Douglas, and more. For a new gal on the screen, who's also an MMA fighter, she's not too bad. Although, I give most of that credit to the seasoned talent she's surrounded by.

As for the film, the style was natural and captivating. The action scenes are raw and they show us that you don’t need extreme zooms or explosive effects to create intensity. A surprisingly good action film with thoughtful direction, even though most people didn't like it.

The Hunger Games

• 2012
• Action
• Drama
• Sci-fi

It's rare to see great acting in a Sci-fi film and that's the main reason why I went to watch this. Jennifer Lawrence really pulls you into her dystopian world but I was treated with more than her good performance. I like Sci-fi, rad costumes, teenage violence, and this film delivers all that. As someone who did not read the books, I can say that this definitely lives up to the marketing hype and I am looking forward to the rest of the series.

Hugo

• 2011
• Adventure
• Drama
• Family

This film is beautiful, imaginative, colorful, and wholesome. There is a lot of computer-generated graphics here but it's used in a highly tasteful way that compliments the film, not distract you from it. The story and its message isn't deep but it's well-told. This is one of those of movies that everyone, of all ages, can enjoy – and should.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2

• 2011
• Adventure
• Drama
• Fantasy

I thought Harry was supposed to die. How and why did he come back in the end? I was really paying attention and wondered if it was the whore's crutch that saved him. I'm so confused, I don't even...

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1

• 2010
• Adventure
• Drama
• Fantasy

Okay, so Harry and his pasty friends are trying to find artifacts to stop a noseless wizard. That, I can follow. I guess they just do that for two hours.

The Hangover Part II

• 2011
• Comedy

It's no secret that they did the exact same thing here again. Move all unoriginal material aside, I still got some good laughs. Although, I do feel sorry for anyone that went to see this on opening day.

The Help

• 2011
• Drama

Most movies about Southern civil rights tend to be challenging but this one is easy to handle. Just because it's lighter though, doesn't mean it's bland. Far from that, actually. The story is good and the performance by Viola Davis and Emma Stone are great.

The Human Centipede II (Full Sequence)

• 2011
• Drama
• Horror

There needs to be a support group for people that have seen this film. It is shock horror at its absolute worst, and might I also say, shock horror at its peak. My eyes hate me so fucking much for watching this.

Horrible Bosses

• 2011
• Comedy
• Crime

Hey guys with erectile dysfunction. You can stop taking your pills and just watch Jennifer Aniston in this. The story isn't the strong point here but all the performances are funny.

Hackers Are People Too

• 2008
• Documentary

Yes they are. They're just smarter and smellier than you. Too bad the term "hacker" has gotten a bad wrap because a lot of these people seem really cool and they hack things out of harmless curiosity or sport.

Hesher

• 2010
• Drama

Half of the people love this movie while the other half hates it. I was expecting this Hesher guy to be chaotic yet charming enough to help mend a family. You might like him but I hated the son of a bitch.

Hobo with a Shotgun

• 2011
• Action
• Crime
• Thriller

Campy, raunchy, pointless, over-the-top, and just outright ridiculous is exactly what makes this movie a perfectly awful B-movie. Few of you will love it but most of you will not understand why this movie was even made. Answer: it was made for the few that love it. Gooo, homeless power!

Hanna

• 2011
• Action
• Crime
• Mystery

She was the bratty, little pale girl from Atonement and a murder victim in The Lovely Bones but in this movie, she kicks all kinds of ass throughout all kinds of continents. If you liked the Bourne movies, then you'll like this. Go little-Eskimo-ninja-girl!

Hall Pass

• 2011
• Comedy
• Romance

You know the transition where they tell you which day they're on? I want that ringtone. There wasn't a lot of loud laughs and most of the jokes seemed lazy but the concept of older, domesticated husbands trying to get their young-on could be really funny to some girls. I know a few of my married girlfriends would love it. Too bad their husbands wouldn't.

Hereafter

• 2010
• Drama
• Fantasy

Hey everyone, there's a tidal wave coming right at us...let's fucking stare at it!

I can't believe the purpose of this movie unveiled itself at the very ass-end. One of my least favorite Clint Eastwood films.

How to Train Your Dragon

• 2010
• Animation
• Adventure
• Comedy

This one is awesome! There's a big boss battle and I really like how they made the black dragon "Toothless", behave like a gigantic cat.

Halloween III: Season of the Witch

• 1982
• Horror
• Mystery
• Sci-fi

Oh god, 5-year old kids shouldn't watch this! There are pumpkin masks that make people go insane or melt their heads! I thought Michael Myers was going to be in this. What is going on!

House of 1000 Corpses

• 2003
• Horror

You should definitely watch this one if you plan on seeing The Devil's Rejects. It's not as good though but still worth the watch if you're a die hard horror fan.

Hot Tub Time Machine

• 2010
• Comedy
• Sci-fi

You can't go wrong with a comedy that's based in the 80's. It's like Oldschool with a time machine.

Hitman

• 2007
• Action
• Crime
• Drama
• Thriller

Timothy Olyphant (lead role) is becoming the next Billy Zane. This movie sucks but Timothy isn't so bad. Get better parts Tim! Don't be the next Billy Zane!

The Human Centipede (First Sequence)

• 2009
• Drama
• Horror

The two girls at the beginning of this movie are awfully annoying. However, they shut up for the rest of the movie. How? In the most disturbing way possible. This movie claims that its concept is 100% medically accurate. Another accurate thing is that you will puke.

Harry Brown

• 2009
• Crime
• Drama
• Thriller

This is like the British version of Gran Torino but it's also a different story. We got an old man who's on the verge of snapping due to gang violence and he's ready to take the law into his own hands. Great performance by Michael Caine.

Halo Legends

• 2010
• Animation
• Action
• Sci-fi

This is the only thing I like about the Halo franchise. I dig the first short movie the most.

Heckler

• 2007
• Documentary
• Comedy

This was very entertaining and pretty damn funny even though I disagree with most of the movie's premise. I didn't know Jamie Kennedy had such thin skin. Actually, I would too if I was Jamie Kennedy.

Hated

• 1994
• Biography
• Documentary
• Music

This is shit...literally.

GG Allin isn't some edgy punk/metal musician. He's just an outrageous heroin addict.

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

• 2009
• Action
• Adventure
• Family
• Fantasy
• Mystery
• Romance

These kids are running around taking "potions", which I think is just street lingo for drugs! The red-headed kid takes a "potion" that allows him to kick ass at an aerial rugby game (steroids!). Then he takes another "potion" that puts him into a loving and mesmerized state (E!).

Humpday

• 2009
• Comedy

I am on the fence about this movie. I don't think there's anyone that I could recommend this to. There were many points that I was ready to walk out but the only thing that forced my interest was the dialog.

"Hey bro, let's make a man porn!"
"Wait, isn't that gay?"
"Not if it's for the sake of art!"
"I don't know man, let's talk about this...for 2 hours."

Hot Rod

• 2007
• Comedy

This was the very first time I fell asleep during a comedy. I finished the rest of it a few days later. Not funny.

Half Nelson

• 2006
• Drama

Ryan Gosling is a crackhead!

The Hills Have Eyes

• 2006
• Horror
• Thriller

This was really nasty and gory.

Hercules II: The Adventures of Hercules

• 1985
• Adventure
• Fantasy

There are more lasers in this movie than a rave.

Hellraiser III: Hell on Earth

• 1992
• Horror

There is a Cenobite in here that shoots deadly CD's at people. What a stupidly, wicked movie!

Hellraiser

• 1987
• Horror

The term "pinhead" no longer refers to somebody stupid.

House of Flying Daggers

• 2004
• Action
• Adventure
• Drama
• Fantasy
• Romance

This is a good one! Good story with a lot of crazy martial arts and swordplay.

How High

• 2001
• Comedy

How stupid.

Half Baked

• 1998
• Comedy
• Crime

Have you ever seen this movie...on weeeeeed?

He Was a Quiet Man

• 2007
• Drama
• Romance
• Thriller

Christian Slater gets an unusual and does a good job. This movie is demented but not mind-bending and it has a concept that's definitely worth checking out. It's about a guy who is ready to go postal in his office but a strange turn of events makes him out to be a hero.

Halloween H20: 20 Years Later

• 1998
• Horror
• Thriller

I skipped all of the other Halloween sequels but decided to watch this one. The only reason I can think of...Jamie Lee Curtis returns.

Halloween

• 1978
• Horror
• Thriller

The first film to introduce one of horror's most iconic killers, Micheal Myers.

Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle

• 2004
• Adventure
• Comedy

This one is pretty funny, too bad I can't say the same for its sequel.

Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay

• 2008
• Adventure
• Comedy

Blatant vulgar comedy with not much going on, and are you getting sick of Kumar (Kal Penn) yet?

House of the Dead

• 2003
• Action
• Horror
• Thriller

Uwe Boll's first American movie. Or, to be more accurate, Uwe Boll's debut piece of shit film that will ensue a lot more pieces of shit films.

Hustle & Flow

• 2005
• Crime
• Drama
• Music

As a fan of Hip Hop, this movie is laughable at many parts. As a movie by itself, it is great. Very well-written script and a superb job by Terrence Howard. "Woop That Trick" is going to play on loop at my wedding.

House on Haunted Hill

• 1999
• Horror
• Mystery
• Thriller

Typical crappy American horror.

Home Alone

• 1990
• Comedy
• Crime
• Family

Whatever it was that made this such a bit hit didn't last long.

Hard to Kill

• 1990
• Action
• Drama
• Crime
• Thriller

More like "Hard to Watch," haw haw!

The Hurt Locker

• 2008
• Action
• Drama
• Thriller
• War

This is different from your usual war movies. Hurt Locker follows the steps of a bomb technician in Iraq and his commitment to serve his country. Excellent film!

Hoop Dreams

• 1994
• Documentary
• Drama
• Sport

Good documentary following two young black boys that struggle to become pro basketball players.

Hostel: Part II

• 2007
• Horror
• Thriller

This movie has been bitten by the "exploit bug." That basically means that the sequel will take the most popular element from the first film and magnify it. I mentioned this on the first Hostel about the gore being so over-the-top that you start to become detached from it. Same thing with this sequel except there's more gore to the point that it's ridiculous.

Hostel

• 2005
• Horror
• Mystery
• Thriller

This is a sick concept and I know it's based off of true events around the world. I think the movie becomes so gory and over-the-top that you become detached from it. Overall, it's a decent shock film.

Honey, I Shrunk the Kids

• 1989
• Adventure
• Comedy
• Family
• Sci-fi

Honey, I want a divorce.

Hellboy II: The Golden Army

• 2008
• Action
• Adventure
• Fantasy

Hellboy comes back with another fun, action movie. I really love the vision of Guillermo del Toro when it comes to costumes and make-up.

Hellboy

• 2004
• Action
• Adventure
• Fantasy

Solid, good fun.

Hook

• 1991
• Adventure
• Family
• Fantasy

Best Captain Hook, ever, played by Dustin Hoffman. This was the best live-action rendition of Peter Pan.